


Perfectly imperfect

by Terfle



Category: Holby City, Last Tango In Halifax
Genre: Alternate Universe, Crushes, F/F, Family, Femslash, Motherhood
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-09
Updated: 2018-12-25
Packaged: 2019-09-14 20:36:37
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 17
Words: 8,971
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16919955
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Terfle/pseuds/Terfle
Summary: AU. Bernie & Serena get thrown into a family situation neither of them expected, with an interesting outcome





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Featuring long haired Serena, top publisher and electrician Bernie. Charlotte and Greta exist but not as in canon

That bloody woman. There was something about her that pissed Bernie off and yet she still couldn't stop thinking about her. Admittedly Bernie was less than thrilled about this relationship their teenagers had gotten into but she wasn't about to side with Serena bloody Campbell about it anytime soon. Elinor could be a little madam and Bernie was under no illusion as to where she'd got it from. She tried to tell Cam her concerns but he just blocked her, told her that Elinor was great, you haven't tried to get to know her and stop interfering.

But the hope that they'd come to their senses vanished one misty morning when the announcement shocked them out of their self-absorbed little bubbles.

Both mothers exclaimed in shock at the thought of this situation becoming permanent but there was no turning back now, there was a grandchild on the way.

'This is ridiculous' Serena said, pacing up and down. 'They're too young.' Bernie looked at her equivalent; impatient, charming, arrogant and felt her heart drop into her boots. Serena Campbell; top publisher and harsh critic, wearer of red heels and crusher of egos was a formidable competitor and Bernie braced herself.

'They'll be 21 soon' she remarked.

The woman in question turned to look at the other mother. Shy and reserved with a stubborn streak that Serena recognised. They shared that in common, even though Berenice Wolfe hid it well, keeping her cards close to her chest and after having met her several times over the space of a year, Serena still found it difficult to decide what she thought of her. They'd butted heads at first sight and they were still sniping at each other now.

She proved to have good taste in coffee though. That was something at least. What were they to do, sit in the kitchen sharing a French press of strong hot coffee while their children battled with their own child in the background. Is that what grandmothers did these days? Serena tried to dismiss the vision.

'Do you really think that matters? They'll hardly be wiser in a few months' she snapped.

'They've got to be if they're going to be parents' Bernie reasoned.

Serena was not convinced.


	2. Chapter 2

They'd met in a pub a year ago and had been infernally rude to each other. To be fair, their own children were having a loud argument and pissing the rest of the customers off. Serena had based her opinion of the new boyfriend on that first meeting. Cameron Dunn was not a good match for her daughter.

Bernie had surmised that Elinor Campbell was bad news and had moved in to protect her cub. Serena was annoyed that this other mother was muscling in and had heated words with her before dragging her daughter away. Bernie could hear her berate Elinor and felt a grim satisfaction that she'd been right, even though it hadn't been her place to object. At least the other mother could see what a brat her own daughter was. Cam sulked all the way home and any attempt to try and understand what this new girlfriend was to him, got frozen out. Bernie didn't know what to do.

'You're not seeing him again if you're going to make a spectacle of yourself.'

'I'll see him again if I want to. It's got nothing to do with you.' Elinor turned up the volume on the radio and ignored her. Serena cursed her indulgent ex-husband for the result sitting before her. She'd tried so hard to discipline her and it had worked up until a point. Sometimes Elinor would surprise her by being sensible but for the most part, her father's side came out strong. As usual, she wondered how she'd ever thought that a child of two such similar people; arrogant, confident and headstrong, had a chance of being balanced and peaceful. If they'd stayed together, maybe it could have been different. But then it would have been up to Edward to change so they could work together harmoniously and that was never going to happen. She slammed her bag down on the table and went to make dinner. She could pretend she was mashing Edward into the potatoes.


	3. Chapter 3

Cam and Elinor went to appointments together, they picked out baby items with recommendations from the grandmothers-to-be (still standoffish with each other) and argued about their living space. They were looking at places to rent.

Bernie thought that Jason was charming, unlike the rest of his family. They'd bumped into each other outside the fish and chip shop and he'd complimented her on the golden retriever she was babysitting.

'Sadly she's not mine' Bernie said, fondling the dog's head. Fleur gambolled about and chased after leaves. They chatted about dogs and Bernie was impressed that he had a solid canine knowledge. It wasn't until she saw him turn into the road where Elinor lived that she realised he might be her neighbour. The next time she met him, he was most definitely accompanied by a harassed looking Serena who spoke to him hurriedly but kindly. She hadn't realised that Elinor had a brother. When she mentioned him at their next strained meeting (twenty year olds snogging on the sofa, the grandmothers-to-be at the kitchen counter stiltedly sipping coffee), Serena enlightened her about her autistic nephew. Bernie praised him on his knowledge in conversation and tentatively added that she imagined that he could be a bit of a handful. Serena smiled and rolled her eyes.

'Elinor was a bit annoyed we took him on but I couldn't leave him in that place. He has his moments but I wouldn't change him for anything.' Her eyes shone with genuine affection.

Bernie's opinion of the woman was starting to change. Now she could see under the acid exterior lurked a heart of gold. Not everyone would have done that. And taking his side over her own daughter because said daughter was a brat. More than fair at times.

'Well I like talking to him.'

'Talk all you like. He's not always here but when he is, his bedroom is on the top floor and don't disturb him. He'd be delighted if you joined him for his evening programmes.'

'Are you trying to palm him off on me?'

'Just a little bit. It would be nice for him to have more friends and I only have so much patience for  _the world's strongest man_  and military documentaries.'

Bernie smiled at the freely issued invitation. She had to admit, she really liked this cosy house. And she had enjoyed Jason's company more than Elinor's. Maybe being forced into this family wasn't all bad. She looked at Serena and received a smile in return that made her heart skip. They sat looking at each other over their coffee cups until Jason blundered in and made a sandwich in their company, chattering all the way. They were surprised when the actual couple of the family shouted their request for dinner. They'd been getting on so well.


	4. Chapter 4

Elinor's pregnancy was progressing well and Serena had everything to be thankful for, even her daughter's mood was bordering on pleasant. So Serena could spare some time to think about the other mother. Bernie was being less shy and retiring and had started to drop in more often and Serena was really starting to look forward to seeing her. Serena didn't have many friends and the comraderie she had hoped for at work wasn't exactly forthcoming. At times she'd surprise herself by wishing Bernie was working alongside her. She could always sabotage the lights and hire Bernie to fix them.

As she offloaded the ingredients for dinner on the kitchen counter, she heard a rap on the front door.

'Hello you.'

Serena's heart skipped for a minute. Bernie Wolfe was standing at the door with a crooked smile, holding a bag of groceries. Her hair was messy and her boots were muddy but she had a bottle of Shiraz. She politely took them off at the door and followed Serena to the kitchen in her woolly socks. Serena shushed her when she apologised for the mud.

'You brought wine. That'll go a long way.'

Bernie liked this twinkly eyed friendly Serena. She liked the strands of grey in her dark hair, it looked swishy. She liked the perfume Serena had on that day and even that ugly striped shirt she was wearing. They stood there smiling at each other until Jason phoned to say that he was bringing dessert.

'Great. That's sorted.' Serena tossed the phone on the counter. She poured out glasses and they started chopping and tasting. They worked together instinctively and it wasn't long before they'd put a dish together. It was a rhythm neither of them had had before in the kitchen. They kept their eyes on each other every time Serena held out a spoonful for Bernie to taste. The gesture didn't disappoint. She made appreciative noises and it made Serena feel tingly. It had been a while since she sought approval. But it didn't feel as demeaning as it sometimes did. She suspected that she was using it as an excuse to flirt which she felt like she should question out of respect for her daughter but it had been so long since Robbie and it seemed harmless enough.

That evening, they ate together as a family. And not one argument followed.


	5. Chapter 5

'Oh did I pick the wrong man to marry. He's offered to pay for the wedding if there is one.'

'I thought that was a good thing?'

Serena frowned into her coffee.

'It would be if it didn't involve a free bar that he can top himself at. I know all about his altruistic dysmorphia condition.'

'Pretty sure that's not the real term for it.'

'It's the technical term.'

'Elinor mentioned his new wife.'

'Liberty.' Serena hmphed. 'Idiotic name. He'll be dating a Destiny next, just you wait and see.'

They snorted with laughter.

'Cam told me that Marcus might be on the prowl.'

'Really? Oh well, it's none of my business.'

Bernie didn't know how her ex-husband would fare in the dating department. She'd heard enough about feckless, gutless Edward to know that she'd been lucky.

'How did things end with him by the way? Cam said that he lived with him when he was a teenager. I did wonder why.'

'Erm.' Bernie toyed with her mug.

'You can tell me to shove off if you want.'

'Well, actually.' Bernie decided to tell her. There was a big chance that they would revert to their former frostiness with each other but Marcus didn't deserve to be treated like the enemy and she didn't want to lie to Serena.

'He caught me with someone else.'

Serena froze.

'I know that was the last thing you wanted to hear but I can explain. I can't justify it but I can explain. Alex was a colleague.'

That didn't quite help. Serena was wary of Edward's colleagues, she had a right to be.

'Marcus and I were living separate lives for the most part. Had done for years. It doesn't excuse what I did and we couldn't make it work but it made me realise something about myself that I'd never known. I'd suspected things weren't right between Marcus and I but I couldn't figure out why. That affair with Alex made it so much clearer.'

'Is that why you've been living on your own all these years?'

'Yes. Marcus threw me out and finally signed the divorce papers I'd been asking him to consider. It was easiest not to fight him on custody. We didn't want to distress Cam.'

Serena felt crushed, knowing that her new friend had hurt her family in the way that Serena loathed. She felt like crying angry tears. She said nothing but Bernie knew how displeased she was by the way that her hands were shaking. She opened her mouth to say something but the door opened and the mothers backed away from each other. The chill was back in the air.


	6. Chapter 6

'You and Serena seem to be getting on' said Cam. He sounded pleased.

Bernie sighed. She didn't want to disappoint him but she'd just ruined it. Again.

'What happened?'

'I told her about the divorce. What happened between Marcus and I.'

'Oh.'

He didn't really want to think about it.

'She wasn't happy with me.'

'Of course not, you know what Elinor's dad is like.'

'Does Elinor even understand what it did to Serena? She's so critical of her.'

'Look, they've got their history and we can't meddle in it.'

'I know. I don't want to make it even harder for Serena.'

'Did you have to ruin that? Are you guys going to go back to the way it was before?' Cam was frustrated that any semblance of happy families seemed to be doomed between them all.

'She would have known eventually' Bernie argued. 'The longer I left it, the more unforgiving she'd be when she would find out.'

'Just try and make friends with her, ok? It's not like you've got many other options.'

Bernie knew that. It was just her and Cam in the flat and work colleagues were only good for a Friday night drink here and there. She'd always found it difficult to make friends but there was no need to rub it in. She felt worthless, marooned on a lonely island with everyone zipping in and out of her peripheral vision.

'I don't want her to hate me' he heard her say, so softly that he had to stop and think if he'd heard right. He turned around. His mother looked uncertain.

'Mum? Do you like her?'

'We were starting to become friends.'

'You know what I mean.'

Bernie started nervously.

'No. Not like that.'

'Just be honest with yourself. And be honest with me. You can tell me.'

'No. I can't.'

'Well there's my answer.' He slammed his bag down and made her sit. Bernie told him that she wouldn't do anything to jeopardise family again. She didn't dare after the last time.

'I don't know what to say. I can't believe the one woman on your mind has to be her.'

She promised him that nothing would happen.

'Even if I did initiate, she'd slap me down. You know she would.'

He agreed.

'So nothing can happen between us. She's oblivious to what I think.'

Unbeknown to her, Serena was not. She mulled over the dilemma for a long time that night. Unlike before, this time she missed Bernie. Didn't want to be rude to her anymore. It had been a long time since Serena had had a friend her own age. Life was work, events, networking and Jason. And now Elinor had roared back in her life permanently with a boyfriend and baby in tow. She was going to be busier than ever. She didn't have time for lots of friends or romance or…she stopped abruptly. Where did that come from? Romance hadn't featured in her life in years. Well, she thought she'd had that with Robbie but he'd retreated like quicksilver once Jason had moved in. But really, with all the failed stops and starts, the only long-term romance she'd had was with that bloody ex-husband of hers. They'd been infatuated with each other at the time. Just a burst of energy and hormones. The lust was off the charts. How young and how stupid they had been. This feeling she had with Bernie seemed different. It was comfortable and familiar with an underlying warmth to it. She didn't want to lose that.


	7. Chapter 7

'Elinor. If I could ask. Who is Greta?'

Elinor sat awkwardly wedged at the table spooning cereal into her mouth. After the question, she fell silent, looked down and played with the spoon.

'It's just that Jason mentioned her but I don't know who she is.'

She'd found him rummaging through Elinor's baby box, they'd looked through all the things they could repurpose for the new addition. There were a few spare things in there that Jason had said had been for Greta but he'd not had time to elaborate before Fleur had run in and tried to play tug of war with a babygro.

Elinor sighed.

'Jason has always wanted to meet Greta.'

Bernie was confused.

'When did Jason come and live here?'

'A couple of years ago. Marjorie was mum's half-sister. She was born before grandma was married. We only found out about her and Jason when she died and mum offered him a home.'

'So Serena never knew her sister?'

Elinor shook her head.

'So where does Greta fit in?'

'She was my twin.'

'You had a sister?'

'I never got to meet her. She was stillborn.'

Bernie felt like her heart had stopped. To have Serena and Edward's excitement at their first birth devastated by such grief. She couldn't bear to think about if one of her children had died.

'Grandma named her after a character in a book. I never even saw a picture of her. It was like she'd never existed. I only found out about her when they got divorced.

Bernie wanted to cry.

'You can't blame your mum for being concerned about your pregnancy.'

Elinor noted the shaky voice and unshed tear lurking. Bernie looked truly upset.

'Things are going well. I'm not frightened, really. Just calm her down if she gets upset. Dad said that she got depressed. Really depressed. She'd stay in bed a lot, she'd cry and throw things and sometimes she'd be silent for days on end. I think she had a breakdown at work when she went back. She took some time off and went away and she came back and she was my mum again.'

Serena and Edward had finally gotten divorced when Elinor was nine. He'd carried on philandering and Serena had soldiered on. Nobody had spoken of Greta. Once Jason had heard about her, he had wished that she had been around so he'd have another cousin. Bernie thanked Elinor for telling her and left to go home. Upset for the rest of the day, she told Cam and he helped her put together a gift for Serena. It was a peace offering more than anything.


	8. Chapter 8

Cam popped his head in and told Bernie that he was going to go and see his dad. Bernie nodded and said nothing. Curious, Serena stopped him by the door.

'Are we going to meet him sometime?'

'Sure. Hopefully soon.' He didn't look so sure. Serena could guess why.

'You mean, without Bernie.'

'Well. Things are a bit awkward between them.'

'So I've heard.'

'What did she tell you?'

'Everything, I think.'

'I thought you two were being a bit off with each other.'

'I can't say I appreciate what she did but at least she was honest with me. It would have made more sense if she and Alex had stayed together though.'

'They were in different places in their lives I suppose. She was a bit younger, wanted to go places, had no kids. It probably never would have worked out between them. I'm glad to be honest. Maybe now I would have been ok with it but back then it was such a mind fuck.'

Serena was astounded. So she hadn't been told everything, thanks to the timely interruption. What Bernie had said was starting to make sense.

'I can imagine.'


	9. Chapter 9

'Thank you for my parcel. It's so thoughtful of you.'

Serena's voice tickled Bernie's ear and she closed her eyes to hear it more intensely. She wanted it to vibrate through her veins, rattle her bones and scorch her blood. She'd come to love that voice. She knew the symptoms, she'd been there before. She just hated herself that it was the one woman she wasn't supposed to want. If anything, this consumed her even more than it had been with Alex and that had been the most intense interaction she'd ever had with anyone.

She kept her on the phone for as long as she could but Serena made it easy by stalling and then laughing nervously. She'd now realised that Serena didn't often get gifts which made her want to wrap up a parcel each week for her.

'Do you want to come round?' She blurted out.

'Ah, I ordered a pizza actually. Do  _you_  want to come round and share it with me?'

Bernie nodded, then confirmed her attendance. She was there in double quick time. She could hoover up pizza in double quick time.

'Now Elinor can't eat cold pizza for breakfast this time' said Serena with satisfaction. 'None left.'

'Is that what she's been doing?'

'Revolting habit.'

'I dipped olives in peanut butter when I was pregnant.'

'Please don't do that in my kitchen.'

'It'll never happen again.'

'Good. More wine?'

'I used to think you were so intimidating with your heels and your designer threads' murmured Bernie.

'Oh really. They're all discounted' said Serena with a laugh. 'I live for bargains. I can get you something if you like.'

'I don't know what I'd do with a designer bag. I wouldn't know one if it hit me in the face.'

Serena leaned over and threw a cashmere scarf in her face.

'30% off!'

'Haha, very funny.'

'I know what you'd do with a designer coat. Wear it.'

'Would you get me one?' Bernie squinted at her.

'Of course. If I get you something nice, will you wear it?'

'Are you saying that I usually look like shit?'

'Not at all. Just a bit untidy sometimes.'

'I didn't think you cared.'

'I don't.'

The silence became tense.

'Look, Serena, I'm sorry that I hurt you. But I couldn't lie to you.'

'Well it did take me a while to process it.'

'You must have wanted to hit me for it.'

'At first I did. But not anymore.'

They were very close to each other now.

'What changed your mind?' Murmured Bernie, her eyes lowering a little to lip read the other woman.

'It wasn't the same as what Edward had been doing. I understand now why it was so significant for you.'

Bernie thought back to the conversation. What had she said about Alex that had changed Serena's perception of the situation?

'Cam told me a significant detail.'

'Oh.'

So Serena had known since then.

'It can't have been easy, punishing yourself once you knew.'

Bernie wanted to cry at the gentle understanding she was getting from the person she feared she'd disappointed.

Serena tried to lighten the mood.

'Speaking of intimidation, you do quite the job of looking brooding and mysterious. I've never known such a reserved electrician.'

Bernie was supposed to laugh and they were supposed to drink more wine. Instead, she leaned over and captured Serena's lips in a scorching kiss. She heard a muffled gasp as Serena melted into her, kissing her back in a way that Bernie only could have dreamed of. She drew back to check that it was really happening. Serena gave her a shy smile and took hold of her shirt collar to lead the next one. They were breathless and excited when they came up for air.

'I thought you hadn't done this before' Bernie murmured into her lips.

' _This_  I have.'

'Who with?' Bernie pulled back, intrigued. She could have sworn Serena was a dyed-in-the-wool heterosexual.

Serena sighed, disappointed that the next kiss was cut short.

'It doesn't matter.'

'Tell me' urged Bernie, drawing her back. She needed to know that other women her age could feel the way that she did.

'Ok, well. Her name was Caroline. We met in a bar.'

She told Bernie everything. How she drank gin and tonic like no tomorrow. The way her scarf smelt of  _Dior_  perfume. How easily they'd talked even though she'd shared her story of a difficult divorce and a workplace romance gone wrong. They'd carried on until closing time and then went to go and sit on the benches in the park until nearly dawn. By then Caroline had learned all about Edward. They'd empathised over difficult children. They'd laughed over drunken mishaps. So it didn't come as too much of a surprise when Caroline slid over and kissed her cheek. Didn't pull away, making it easy for Serena to turn her head and smile, to lean ever so slightly forward to catch her lips. It was remarkably easy to kiss another woman. It was remarkably delicious. She came away thinking that she should have done this earlier in life.

Bernie's expression of longing was so acute, so hungry for details that she'd never heard another woman say. She silently pleaded for more information.

'You haven't finished telling me about Alex.'

'There's nothing more to tell' Bernie admitted, ducking her head in embarrassment.

'I thought it was a tempestuous affair?'

'We only really kissed.'

She looked abashed and Serena couldn't think why.

'And after her?'

'There's been nobody else. I don't even know how to go about it' she confessed.

Serena was starting to understand Bernie's need to curl in a tight ball to ward away attention. Now she could understand how lost Bernie was. She had no one to talk to about her desires. Just a ragdoll dangling on a string, buffeting to the current, keeping everything locked up inside her. She couldn't admit that instead of being a wanton woman-seducer, she was bordering on virginal. Her only experience had given her a taste of her true self but with no chance of a lasting relationship, she was stuck at a frustrating pitstop. Now she knew what it could be like, she was desperate for more but she didn't know how to go about it. To go further, that was a vision that terrified and excited her.

'Well neither do I. But I've had a lot of experience with the opposite sex. I don't think I'll find it hard to figure out how this works.'

Bernie looked up at her like a rabbit in the headlights.

'Only if you want to.'

Bernie nodded, her heart beating double pace. She couldn't speak right now.

'You know that my daughter will have a fit over this. She does say I have no self-control sometimes. She may be right.'

Bernie snorted with nervous laughter.

'Let's not rush this' Serena whispered. She placed a kiss on the corner of Bernie's mouth and heard an anguished sigh.

'I don't know what I'm doing' she whispered.

'We can work it out. Just think, even at our age, there's something new to learn.' Serena challenged, her soft smile radiating light into Bernie's veins. She wanted to take away that desperate longing from her eyes.

'I'd like that.' Bernie nodded her assent and closed her eyes as the first of millions of kisses descended on her. They would spend several minutes sitting on the floor, slowly kissing everywhere they could reach, the warmth of their skin melding into the steady heat that was rising within them, a fever that was no longer dormant.


	10. Chapter 10

'I don't even know what  _Dior_  perfume smells like.'

'I'll take you shopping tomorrow. I like it.'

Serena pulled her over to the perfume counter, selected the exact one and sprayed it on a tester strip, snatched it away as Bernie tried to sniff it.

'Wait.'

Bernie patiently waited until the scent had settled. Then she got to sniff it. It was lovely. Smelled like spring. Very expensive spring. She voiced her approval to Serena and noted it down as something she might get her for her birthday.

Cam and Elinor were pleased that their mums were getting on again. If they had known that Bernie had broken her promise and Serena had given into temptation to get there…well. Just as well they didn't know that the two women were conducting their own experiment into a sapphic dalliance thanks to the sofa in Serena's room.

What else was there to do on a Sunday afternoon in an empty house?

With Serena's hands on her waist, Bernie placed her hands on the wall on either side of her head. Serena rested her back against it and perched on the top of the low sofa, buckling Bernie's knees onto the cushions and throwing each of her legs over the strong slim thighs. Bernie pressed against her, trapping her against the wall and nuzzled into her neck, stroking the long strands away when they tickled her nose. Serena encouraged her with a hand in her hair, stroking and scratching, driving Bernie wild as she moved against her, feeling the responding thrust back. Serena's other hand grazed down her back and Bernie could feel her arousal thudding through her. The slick heat between them, fuelled by the rhythm of Serena's low breathless pants became so intense that Bernie had to shift Serena's weight a little to angle themselves for better friction.

'Now you're learning' panted Serena. This was something she'd done often but never without the usual bit of equipment. This was just as fun, providing more friction to their needy clits. With a bit of concentration and a helping hand from Serena, Bernie drove her aching body on and on until she could finally feel the welcome rush of release flooding through her body. She kept her hands on the wall, knowing that if she had her arms around Serena, she could have squeezed too hard and hurt her. She knew her own strength. She hadn't realised until then that it was her making those deep drawn out rumbling groans. She'd known Serena was going to be loud. But for once in her life, she'd been louder than someone else, more so than she'd ever thought she could be. Sex with Marcus had barely tempted her to give up control of her voice, so lacklustre she'd felt during their time together. She'd never faked it and she'd never just lain there. But she'd not felt the thing that everyone made a big deal of. They both had accepted that she was the quiet one and left it there. But now she realised that maybe she wasn't that anymore. That spark that had lit her up, it couldn't be buried anymore.

She relaxed as the dizzy rush of sensation had finally subsided; sliding her hands down to rest on the sofa, head tilted up, panting, thighs burning and shaking. Serena unfolded her legs and eased them a little more together. Another minute and she'd get cramp. She was so close to the edge. Gliding her fingers up and down inbetween her legs, she moaned gently as her pleasure started to peak. Bernie opened her eyes and watched her for a few seconds. She carefully ghosted a couple of fingers across Serena's skin, under her thigh and edged them along. She cautiously slipped one deep inside, eliciting an anguished gasping moan, Serena's eyes snapping open in surprise. Bernie leaned forward and lavishly laid kisses upon her neck and shoulders, adding the second finger in at Serena's beseeching. Serena rocked, feeling the flutter of Bernie's fingers urging her on and her lips nipping at her neck and came harder than she had done in a long while.

_Bernie 1 – Robbie 0._

They stayed clasped against each other for a long time.

'You arranged that for me' murmured Bernie.

'I wasn't exactly under sufferance' said Serena with a laugh. 'It was your turn to let go and enjoy it.'

'I've never done that before.'

'That's because you were with the wrong person.'

Bernie knew she was right. Fastening her arms around the other woman to keep her balanced, she pounced to initiate a kiss so deep that when they finally wound it down, they'd felt like they'd gone another round. Lucky the door was locked or the knowledge of what Serena did on the sofa in her room might have fuelled the gossip mill.


	11. Chapter 11

She lay on the sofa, eyes closed, looking just like she was waiting to be kissed. Bernie perched on the edge and watched her. She murmured something. Bernie smiled and leaned forward, taking her face in her hands and pressing a gentle kiss on her.

'Hello, you.'

She said it louder this time. Bernie sat back and met Serena's eyes. There was real warmth radiating back at her and she couldn't believe that it was the same person. The sharp abrasive manner she'd been on the receiving end of had evaporated and in its place was such affection, it made her breathless to think of it. She pushed aside the blanket and snuggled her way inside, resting her head in the crook of her neck and snuffling in Serena's perfume happily. Bernie lightly wound herself around and moaned into Serena's neck as each stroke of her fingers entangled through her hair, grazing her scalp. Serena let her other hand lightly scratch up and down the other woman's back and was rewarded with hardening nipples and some delightful writhing from her companion. The room was cold but they sparked under the covers, there was a rhythm to it. Wandering hands slowly unbuttoned and clothes were simply slipped off. Before the night was out they'd fallen asleep; under the blanket, legs entwined, clothes pooled on the floor.


	12. Chapter 12

‘Mind if I join you?’

‘Took you long enough.’

She watched Serena pour some soap onto her scrub and reached over to take it from her to do her back. Serena wriggled with delight at being looked after. It had been years since someone had scrubbed her back.

‘Thought you were going to join me?’

Bernie considered the temptation in the bathtub and vowed to be more adventurous. Serena was looking at her invitingly and how could she resist that? She hesitantly slipped off her clothes while Serena busied herself and perched on the edge of the tub in a ladylike fashion.

‘There’s enough room.’

Bernie smiled but stayed where she was. Serena said no more but rinsed her hair. She wasn’t going to push her.

They stayed there until the water started getting cold. Serena held up her fingers and observed the wrinkles. Bernie leaned forward to clasp hands and smiled at her mermaid, who made herself comfortable and looked up at her, willing her to move closer. She did. Without a word, Serena moved Bernie’s leg out to prop up on the rim, knee bent. Bernie silently let her other leg lap into the water. Serena stroked her hand up her exposed thigh, wound her arms around them and leaned forward to kiss further up. Bernie gasped and clutched onto the handrail as Serena began a relentlessly gentle assault on her most sensitive spots. Bernie’s moans echoed around the bathroom and she dearly hoped that nobody was downstairs. She could barely keep up with trying not to fall off while she was almost dying of pleasure. The cold surface beneath her bum, chilled her up her back and through her nipples but her lover’s warm tongue kept her quivering on the edge. As uncomfortable as she was, she didn’t want it to end.

Serena knew what she wanted to do when Bernie had got naked. She took a chance that her oral skills would work on a woman. And as usual, the risk paid off. She started by tracing the line with her finger, running it down and following it with her lips. Kissed every inch that she could find, to start off with. She psyched herself up to take the next step, feeling the other woman’s pulse flutter under her fingertips. Lips still pressed to the tender skin, she slowly opened her mouth and darted her tongue out to taste, earning a quick groan from above. She slowly carried on licking with the flat of her tongue, running it along the folds and rolling that sensitive nub up and down. She liked the musky scent and she liked the tang of skin on her tongue. She also very much liked the noises she was bringing out in the woman perched above. Another thing she wished she’d tried sooner.


	13. Chapter 13

‘I feel like a penguin with a beach ball shoved up its coat.’

‘Welcome to the 9th month. Whinge about it all you like, you’ve earned it’ said her mother, pouring her some juice.

‘I hated every waddling minute of it.’

‘It’s like being an elephant on skates’ said Bernie.

‘Can’t wait to fit into my jeans again.’

‘Oh my darling daughter, you won’t be able to do that for a good while after. Don’t sulk, have another pastry.’

It was a cold winter’s night when baby Charlotte made her arrival, healthy and hangry and as ordinary a baby as could be. For all her complaining, Elinor had done well; roaring furiously away with each contraction, choosing Cam for support and banishing the grandmothers to the waiting room. Jason stayed at home to tidy up and welcome them. Several rounds of cottage pie were already freezing up nicely. Jason was a big fan of cottage pie.

It was getting harder to conceal their outright longing for each other. They sat with fingers entwined, talking softly, remembering the time when it was their turn all those years ago. They scathingly recalled the effects of the afterbirth and reminisced about how the little things had thrown them for a loop. They filled each other in about their ex-husbands at their long labours (20 hours with Marcus, a devoted father and a well-meaning but clueless husband, 27 hours with Edward, a feckless philanderer who cited work as the reason to abandon Serena in her hour of need).

‘You have terrible taste in men.’

‘I know. Not that he was much help but it might have been a wake up call to have been there when Elinor was born.’

‘I’ve never thanked the universe more for Marcus right now.’

‘Lucky you.’

There was a present for Bernie when they got home. A pale pink one arranged carefully over a chair.

‘For me?’

‘You said you’d wear it.’

‘How much of a discount?’

‘Can’t tell you my secrets.’ Serena winked.

Bernie could only stutter and smile at her.

A deal was a deal. She’d wear the coat forever.


	14. Chapter 14

‘Please tell me this isn’t what I think it is.’

‘Ellie, we can explain.’

A shriek from upstairs sent Cam running, fearful that Elinor had befallen some terrible fate. Or at least wake up the baby. She was standing in Serena’s bedroom shouting at her. At both her and Bernie. He blinked in confusion. What _was_ going on?

 ‘You’re ruining everything with this…bizarre lesbian midlife crisis.’

‘Oh! I forgot how much I ruin everything for you. It’s been a while since I’d done that.’

‘What’s going on?’

‘I caught my mum and your mum snogging on the sofa. What the hell?’

‘Oh mum.’

‘Please don’t look at me like that Cam.’

‘Excuse me? You knew?’ Elinor rounded on her boyfriend.

‘Look, you know the story between my parents. I didn’t think this was going to happen. But I didn’t exactly…rule it out.’

‘You couldn’t have told me!’ Elinor shrieked.

‘Please calm down, Ellie’ Serena pleased. ‘Nothing has changed between all of us.’

‘You’ve picked a great time to do something you’ve never done before!’

‘And how would you know that?’ She snapped back, temper immediately flaring.

Elinor fell silent and stared incredulously at her, trying to work out what that meant. She looked at Cam and he shrugged. He’d gotten used to his mum being a lesbian, but Serena? He hadn’t seen that coming.

‘You’ve been with another woman before?’ Elinor squeaked.

‘Briefly.’

‘Were you ever going to tell me?’

‘Don’t be ridiculous. You hate it when I look at any man, you’d be a terror if you’d known about her.’

‘Were you just going to keep it a secret from me?’

Cam moved in to calm her.

‘If it was going anywhere, I’d tell you. But I couldn’t handle taking on all the baggage she came with and she didn’t ask me to. It was just one night. We didn’t even make it to the hotel. But it was good to talk to a stranger and I wouldn’t have passed up all the teenage snogging we did because it was fun. It was really fun. At the time I just wished there could have been more but now I can see that it probably wouldn’t have worked.’

Elinor was speechless. Never had she entertained the idea that Serena hadn’t been a nun all these years.

‘And the others? Did you go to the hotel with them?’

Serena sighed. She had hoped not to have this conversation.

‘Yes I did.’

‘All of them?’

‘You don’t need to lecture me on taking precautions, I know how it works’ she snapped.

 

_She’d forgotten what it was like, the exhilaration of meeting a stranger in a bar and flirting with each other enough to know that they could have just about the right amount of fun. She could tell something about a man when he kissed in a certain way. She’d name her terms and conditions and he’d readily agree. They’d share the bill. They’d start off raiding the mini bar for a drink, end up using a good few condoms, no use being coy about it. You were never too old to get an STI._

_She’d liked them all, even sweet boring Angus; connoisseur of the golf course, whom she’d had to coax into using his well-bred dick a little more creatively. He had a good one, she remembered. He just needed a little direction in spicing up the missionary he favoured, a skill Serena specialised in. She played the damsel in distress, hooking her legs over his and arching while on her back while he sat up, steady in his thrusts. He was very much a breast man and she made sure he’d get it. They trundled along nicely together for quite some time that night._

_Dr Ric Griffin was the boldest one she’d come across, scored bonus points with him for not telling him tripe such as ‘I’ve never been with a black man.’ They sparred for a bit, compared bargains on cut price designer items from online and before they knew it, they were out of the door and checking into the hotel. He was quite the stud, his sharp suit belying snake hips and packing a well-honed technique. It became apparent that he was an arse man by going at it faster once she rolled onto her front. She didn’t mind, in fact it was very enjoyable. She hadn’t been fucked like that in some time._

_Care salesman Sacha was a real gentleman, he spooned her carefully and considerably, his bear-like bulk hardly in the way. She appreciated his tenderness although worried that he was one to get easily attached. He somehow resisted and went on his merry way, not before gifting her a tulip though. Adorable. He was one to keep. Just not for her._

_The reserved Swedish banker was the challenge she’d been itching for. She had been so bored that night when she turned and locked eyes with him that she had got him a drink. His minibar treat of choice was green tea. She didn’t mind that he’d preferred to take his glasses off for their encounter. The beanpole had a surprising amount of endurance and managed admirably when she stayed on top for a long while. At over 6ft tall, the comedy of it all brought more than a twitch to Henrik’s lips. She regarded that as a triumph as was his long-awaited release. She’d left him with a smile on his face and that was worth it._

_Dylan the younger monotonal cabbie did his best to be unamenable but she won him over eventually by answering his rhetoric correctly. It had been a while since someone had sparred with him so he made an exception for her. He had double whiskies from the minibar but it didn’t affect his performance and once she’d released his delightfully stiff cock from her willing mouth, he’d shown her unexpected progress as they rutted against the wall. She’d hooked a leg over and relished his pants and whimpers and there was definitely a growl or two there._

_But Caroline was different. She wasn’t unlike Serena in being a confident successful professional. She was a well-respected headmistress with tremendous legs. Serena thought it was strange that she had very much wanted to brush her fingers along that formidable bustline. She’d never had that urge before. She leaned forward and unbuttoned the shirt a little so that Caroline looked less matronly. It did the trick. It had made her stutter and blush. Serena let her hand run down the placket, enjoying the feel of good quality fabric under her fingertips and wondering what was waiting underneath. A sensible bra, it transpired, but it was black. Serena loved black underwear. By the end of the night they had tantalisingly discovered how much of a handful both of their chests were. But with the realisation that the bitter ex-husband and bratty younger son lurking in Caroline’s home life up North was not to be ignored, they’d parted with a little regret._

‘You knew?’

Cam looked incredulously at his mother.

‘Of course I knew. We’ve gotten to know each other quite well by now.’ She smiled slightly and looked away. They’d re-enacted the scenarios to the best of Serena’s recollection, things that Bernie didn’t know was possible for her to do. Serena’s imagination fuelled them to the edge and back.


	15. Chapter 15

Elinor's pinched purse expression didn't waver all month. She stomped around and banged doors and kept her answers short and sharp with her mother. Serena was used to this. But what really hurt her was the determination to dismiss Serena's relationship with Bernie as a mid-life crisis.

'I don't care what you say, you're not a lesbian' she muttered after storming past. 'Gross.'

'I never labelled myself. But nice of you to be so rude about your mother-in-law' shouted Serena to her retreating back. Charlotte started grizzling and Bernie scooped her up straight away.

'She doesn't mean it.'

'Oh yes she does. Don't defend her behaviour.'

'Well…if she had a problem with me then she'd say so.'

'She barely talks to you as it is.'

They bickered for a bit about ungrateful children and then got weepy about the time that their little darlings loved them unconditionally. They spent the next few hours poring over old photo albums.

'You're so gorgeous.' Serena pointed to a radiant Bernie at a family event. She was mid laugh and her hair tumbled past her shoulders, more of a reddish brown back then. Bernie laughed shyly. She'd been blonde for so many years now, it gave her more confidence.

'That was a few months after I had Cameron.'

'I wish I'd looked that good after having Elinor.'

'I got lucky that day. For a while I felt like I'd been run over by a truck.'

'Well I'd imagine a caesarean would do that to you.'

Bernie looked at Serena's own picture, a few months after Elinor's birth. A pensive figure sat observing the party, hugging the baby curled up on her chest, legs drawn up and looking off to the side.

'You look so sad.'

Serena hadn't noticed. She could barely remember the event. She could only remember those depressive days.

'I wasn't in the best state of mind after having Ellie.' She hesitated, seeming to want to say something further but the pause went on for too long.

It was the first time Serena had alluded to her post-natal depression and grief. She changed the subject.

'It wasn't until she was about one that I found out what Edward was doing behind my back.'

Ever since Bernie had found out about everything, she'd been careful not to mention it but her heart ached for Serena.

'I know about Greta. They told me' she blurted out.

Bernie thought she could see a curtain shuttering over Serena's face as she brushed her hair away, stroking a few strands to try and soothe her. Her hair was sleeker than Bernie's messy mop but just as soft and sometimes they would while away some spare minutes wound around each other on the sofa, just playing with each other's hair.

'I'm so sorry to hear.'

Serena nodded, said nothing.

'There's a teddy bear in the box. If you want, we could dust it and give it to Charlotte.'

Serena crumpled into her and started sobbing her heart out, throwing out memories of those distant days. Bernie held her tenderly and let her drain her energy and grief out until she exhausted herself. Bernie draped her gently on the sofa and kissed her forehead. Turned the lights off and made her comfortable. Stayed until she drifted off into a haze.

Serena woke up with a bad headache. She cursed herself and her stupid blabber mouth.

'Sorry, I've never told anyone that before.'

'I can tell.'

'I feel rather stupid.'

'Don't be. It's a terrible thing to have happened.'

'I just wonder about the person she would have become. I can't even picture her or imagine her voice. But sometimes I catch a shadow at the corner of my eye. She's there. But I'll never be able to reach her. It's silly to say I know.'

'Not at all. There's nothing wrong with the way you feel or how you think. You have every right to do so.'

Serena smiled gratefully and sipped her tea. Tangled hair and puffy face did nothing to detract from the radiance Bernie saw when she smiled.

'I love you, you know.'

Bernie felt like she was going to burst. She leaned forward and kissed Serena and whispered the matching words. It felt like home.


	16. Chapter 16

'You can't be angry at her forever. She's your mum.'

Elinor huffed and turned away, Charlotte suctioned to her breast.

'What does she think she's doing?'

'Look, my mum liked her from the beginning. When I figured it out, she promised me she wouldn't do anything. Because we were both certain that Serena wouldn't respond to her. That's why we clamped down on it. But Serena feels the same way and wants to pursue this relationship. I don't know what you'd call that but does it matter? Do you know how long it took for me to process my mum's awkward stuttering confession? To get used to the reason why she wanted a divorce? It was painful to see and it broke up our family. But we're adults now and we've got our own kid and we can accept it.'

'We're not the enemy, Ellie' said Bernie from the doorway. They turned round in surprise.

'I didn't mean this to happen but I'm not going to pretend that I hadn't wanted it. I don't have to pretend anything anymore, I'm done with that. I've done my penance and I can finally have this with someone. I didn't approach her earlier because I never thought that she would want the same thing. But she does and we're so so happy.'

Cam was astonished that his mother was being so open about her desires. She sounded so earnest, realising that she finally felt free in her decision. He could see how confident she'd become, as if a little bit of Serena had rubbed off on her. She smiled so radiantly these days. It had been years since he'd seen that from her.

'I appreciate how weird this is for you. But you're old enough to start thinking of us as people. Your mum has always put duty first and worked through every knock back that's been thrown at her but it's about time she said yes to something that is just for her. I know that everyone thinks she's this strong boss…lady (she wasn't sure if that was a phrase) but she's just as vulnerable and needy for affection and love as the rest of us and she doesn't need to pretend that she doesn't need it or want it. I've done the same for years and it's miserable. You have no idea how miserable that existence is until you've got something better. We're allowed to be in love with each other and no matter how much you act up, you won't have any part in destroying what we have. So please start treating her better. She doesn't deserve your disdain.'

She stopped right there, hoping that the tear in her eye wouldn't fall. Cam smiled, he was proud of his mum right at that point. Elinor's mutinous expression started to crack and Bernie left, leaving her son to deal with it.


	17. Chapter 17

'We discussed the flat we were going to rent.'

With the youngsters crowded around them, Bernie and Serena switched off the TV and listened.

'Well, we thought that Bernie could move in here with you' said Elinor hesitantly. 'And we'd take her flat to live in.'

'So the rent can be transferred to us, we can live near enough to each other and we've got housing sorted. And you can be together.'

'And everything will be fine' stated Jason happily.

Well this was a reward they hadn't foreseen. Bernie and Serena looked at each other in surprise and glee. Oh this was the best proposal they'd heard all year.

'I am not going to say no to that!' Exclaimed Serena.

'Can we get a dog?' Was Jason's query.

Bernie responded by joyfully hugging everyone in sight and giddily collapsing into Serena. Their relationship was finally official and they couldn't wait to take the next step. They'd never imagined a happily ever after to be within reach. But finally, it was all theirs.


End file.
